We all want to feel more joyful, more fulfilled. And yet fewer of us are classifying ourselves as “happy” these days. Keep reading to find out the difference between instant gratifications and enduring satisfactions and the effect each has on our sense of fulfillment.

Flash back to the fall of 2015. 💫

I was in the process of writing the introduction to my cookbook*. I knew I wanted to offer a window into the more personal aspects of my journey to well-being up to that point, but I was struggling to put succinct words to the message. 

As I walked into work one brisk, breezy morning, the Universe whispered an answer:

“It’s the small, good-for-you but monotonous habits, repeated time and time again, that gather together to form something powerful. It’s looking within instead of without. This is the secret to a life well lived.”

It was exactly what I’d been hoping to convey.

The idea is simple and not at all revolutionary, and yet it’s incredibly impactful when put into practice. It led to a major A-HA moment in my own thinking and behavior, and it’s the philosophy I return to whenever I need steadying.

At the heart of it rests the idea that well-being—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—isn’t about massive transformation all at once. It’s about leveraging the power of intention each day to consistently enact the small habits, actions, and thoughts that support us. 

It’s about leaning into the long game of feeling good.

And it’s about resisting the temptations of quick fixes and cheap thrills that keep us stuck in cyclical loops of false promises and fleeting gratifications. 

THE INSTANT GRATIFICATION LOOP

Originally labeled the “pleasure” neurotransmitter, dopamine is now understood to be the neurotransmitter responsible for desire and seeking. It’s what drives us to want, desire, seek, and search.

Dopamine’s release in the brain is both highly rewarding and incredibly fleeting, which makes it both wonderful and, at times, problematic. 

Have you ever noticed the physical sensation you have right before you check email or social media or settle in to watch some juicy reality TV? Or the zing you get when your phone pings with your favorite notification sound? The feeling just before you check or enter your favorite distraction activity? It’s often a rush of excitement that can be felt in the belly. 

That, right there, is the result of a dopamine surge. 

The odd thing about dopamine is that the high of excitement you feel before you actually do that thing is often the peak of its release. And then it’s all downhill from there. No matter how long we scroll or tune in, we never feel genuinely satisfied.

The high of wanting inevitably comes with a low as the body’s anticipatory response fades. 

And then whatever it was you were feeling before you took the dopamine distraction bait—fear, boredom, worry, emptiness, sadness, etc.—is still there waiting for you on the other side. Perhaps it’s even intensified now because the hopefulness embedded in the anticipation of that quick dopamine hit has worn off, revealing the same you you started with.

In response to the low, we head back for yet another quick-hitting high. 

“How can something be pleasurable and yet no good for us at times, leaving us worse off and empty?” —Lalah Delia

Most of us are unaware of this self-sustaining loop (i.e., the dopamine-driven feedback loop), and so we keep going back for more without question.

Social media, for instance, was designed to keep us locked in a cycle of cheap thrills and constant checking. We easily forget the inevitable letdown when the high is quick and guaranteed. Once the letdown rears its gloomy pit, we seek yet another fix.

And the more often the brain receives these shallow dopamine hits, the more often it craves them.

This is because prolonged increases in dopamine or consistent hits + spikes (derived from all the cheap thrills) deplete the number of dopamine receptors in the brain. As dopamine receptors decrease, it takes more stimulation to achieve the same amount of pleasure. Which, in turn, elicits a vicious and often unconscious cycle of pleasure seeking.

THE CHEAP THRILLS

“It seems that with our bid to escape ennui, life actually becomes shallower, more frantic, and more desperate.” —Ed Halliwell of mindful.org

Social media, online shopping, video games, tasty treats, the news, and our email inbox are just a few of the myriad of places we turn to for quick dopamine hits (read: instant gratifications). 

Of course, there is a time and a place for these things, but if you find yourself caught on a carousel of cheap thrills, dopamine is taking you for a ride. 

The problem isn’t that cheap thrills exist. 

The problem is that time is our only non-renewable resource and when we turn towards these fleeting gratifications too often—and when they’re distracting us from focusing on the things that bring us true fulfillment and enduring satisfaction—we’re left with an icky hollow feeling.

We find ourselves guiltily frolicking in the dark playground, swirling in a sea of totally unsatisfying and yet entirely addictive mini dopamine spikes while avoiding the less overtly stimulating (but far more meaningful) endeavors that lead to enduring satisfaction.

And when we fall into the instant gratification loop day after day, week after week, and month after month, we can end up feeling pretty terrible and even a bit lost.

It’s ok to feel lost. I’ve been there, in the land of the lost, many times before. I think we lose ourselves so that we can find ourselves again, moving deeper and deeper into meaningful self-awareness as we forge a new way forward.

saying ‘no’ to confetti

“I was over and done with living a life distracted by confetti.” —Lalah Delia

Confetti is fun… for about a minute. Then, you’re left to contend with the mess it's left behind. 

The same is true for dopamine-spiking instant gratifications. They’re fun for a short while but the excitement burns out fast, revealing the same empty hole we’d hoped those alluring but fleeting distractions would fill.

Cheap thrills are confetti. 

And while it’s fun to toss a few handfuls into the air every now and then, building our lives around confetti is merely a colorful route to disappointment. 

It distracts us from what really matters and reduces our capacity to focus on the truly satisfying parts of this bizarre party we call “life.” 

unearthing satisfaction with intention

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Slow and steady wins the race.”

The same is true when it comes to our energy and well-being. That high-vibe, enduring joy and satisfaction we seek isn’t found when we follow the up-and-down path of instant gratification. It’s found when we reach for the small, good-for-us but kinda boring habits and thoughts day after day.

Well-being is a reward of the long game. It doesn’t shine and shimmer. It doesn’t boast or gloat. It whispers. Its presence is quiet and yet undoubtedly assuring, guiding us gently to the greatest versions of ourselves if we still ourselves long enough to listen and observe.

It’s found by leaning into the heart’s gentle directives with intentional action instead of allowing ourselves to be yanked around by the brain’s desire for shallow hits and quick highs. It’s found on the other side of the sometimes boring and often difficult-to-start actions, habits, and endeavors. 

That’s the secret though. 

It’s no wonder fewer of us are classifying ourselves as “happy” these days. There are cheap thrills everywhere we turn and it’s all too easy to be unwittingly allured by their false promises. 

As it turns out, the route to joy and satisfaction isn’t necessarily hard, it’s just boring. At least some of the time. 

But boredom, although seemingly innocent, is enough to scare most of us away.  Because it’s easier to allow the brain to hop from one mode of instant gratification to the next than it is to face the uncharted terrain of our own boredom. What might we find there in all that space? 👀

“I was going along with what I figured was right for me at the time, while also knowing it wasn’t right for me in the long run. This is how most of the modern world around us is set up: gratification instead of vibration. What would the world look like if we lived the reverse? Vibration instead of gratification.” —Lalah Delia

FIND WHAT FEELS GOOD ON THE FLIP-SIDE

There’s an easy way to differentiate between instant gratifications and enduring satisfactions.

Instant gratifications feel rewarding at the outset. The feed-good vibes they elicit hit hard at the beginning and fade fast, often leaving behind a residue of guilt and discontentment or a thirst for more.

Enduring satisfactions, on the other hand, feel rewarding on the flip-side. They’re not immediately enticing. But the feel-good vibes they elicit build over time and reveal a sense of steady fulfillment once complete.

The difference between the two brings to mind this meme-worthy paradox:

Especially the last bullet points: So boring it’s stimulating vs. so stimulating it’s boring. Ain’t that the truth?

Keeping the above differentiation in mind, what are the actions, habits, and endeavors that ultimately feel the most satisfying on the flip-side yet you resist at the starting gate?

Whatever comes to mind for you, know that these are your building blocks to enduring satisfaction—at least for the time being.

Side note: There is nothing wrong with rewarding ourselves with instant gratifications from time to time. It’s only when we build our days around these things that they become barriers to lasting fulfillment. 

dopamine reset days

“There is even evidence that allowing the mind a spell of boredom—in effect, resting the brain—leads to more creativity in subsequent tasks, an effect psychologists call the ‘incubation advantage.’” —Ed Halliwell of mindful.org

In today’s stimulating world, it’s almost impossible to avoid some level of instant gratification. This is especially true if your job is tied to social media in any way. 

Because of this, it can be exceptionally helpful, necessary even, to dedicate one day a week as a ‘dopamine reset’ day. A full day is ideal but even just a few consecutive hours can be game-changing.

Basically, put down your phone and shut off the TV. This means avoiding all social media, apps, television, news, drugs/alcohol, etc. If it’s capable of stimulating, entertaining, or numbing, consider it off limits. 

Depending on just how much you want to “detox” and whether books are a cheap thrill distraction for you personally, you may opt to also avoid reading. If you do choose to read, avoid fiction and reach for something in the self-awareness genre instead.

Use the day to engage in restorative practices (meditation, breath work, cooking, cleaning, organizing, getting out in nature, watching paint dry 😉, etc.) or to simply be present with yourself, your family, or other loved ones.

While the day itself will feel a bit dull and boring, this is a promising sign that it will yield the desired effect. 

In fact, the entire point of a dopamine reset day is to feel bored and to do nothing at all about it. Don’t seek to fill in the space where boredom resides. Let it be. And in doing nothing, your brain’s dopamine receptors will begin to replete themselves. 

Then, when you go to do your most important and truly fulfilling tasks the next day, you’ll experience far more satisfaction. This is because even less overtly gratifying experiences will be interpreted by the brain as enticing after depriving it of its favorite cheap thrills the day before.

More dopamine receptors = less stimuli required to achieve the same level of pleasure.

You’ll also be less likely to crave those mini dopamine hits (distractions) throughout the day.

Intentional mornings

Beyond weekly dopamine reset days, each morning is a new opportunity to enact the power of intention. And intention is the foundation for enduring satisfaction. 

What’s the first thing you do each morning? 

If it involves reaching for your phone to scroll through emails, social media, or the news, look no further. ✋ This is the perfect opportunity to choose something more intentional.

Part of what elicits those dopamine spikes when we check email, social media, the news, etc. is the prospect of the unknown. What might we find on the other side? The allure of the mystery is potent, intriguing, and addictive. 

The mystery is also, quite ironically, what makes the act of media checking so disempowering. 

We can’t control what we’re going to get or see once we open those instant gratification portals. So when we begin our day with activities like these, our energy shifts into a reactionary state as opposed to an intentional one. We hand over our power by giving into these cheap morning thrills.

Our opportunity to grab the reins each day begins with the very first choice we make once we open our eyes. 

Personally, I’ve learned that almost anything is better than reaching for my phone. It can be very difficult to resist that temptation, but a trick I’ve learned is to put my phone in airplane mode before bed and leave it in that mode until after I’m well into my morning routine**. By then, I already have the momentum of intention working in my favor and no longer have the urge to check it. 

I also have all notifications permanently turned off (including those for email) on my phone with the two exceptions being for text messages and phone calls. That way, when my phone is set to receive, I’m not being constantly bombarded with energy draining distractions that move me into a reactionary state. 

If you’re looking to add more intention to your life, start with your mornings. And start small. 

What we say ‘no’ to is often even more important than what we say ‘yes’ to. 

Your attention is money and there are lots of money grabbers out there these days—they don’t care what state you’re left in when you’re done consuming, they just care about grabbing your attention long enough to profit from it. Keep this in mind and actively challenge your brain to be intentional with its attention.

The momentum that’s built when we resist those instant gratification distractions and choose something that truly supports our well-being is powerful and game-changing. And it sets the tone for the entire day, making it easier to continue on that supportive path.

**My morning routine was more elaborate before starting a family, but these days I often hop right in the shower, do a line activation meditation while in there, finish with an icy cold rinse to center and ground my attention in the moment, and then get ready for the day as I listen to an inspiring podcast. From there, I make the nanny hand-off with Sloane, make myself breakfast and a cup of Reishi coffee, read something spiritual for 15 to 30 minutes, and (if I have time) write to my intuition. Then, I outline my to-do’s for the day and dive into work. It’s nothing crazy or fancy, but it’s powerful because it’s backed by intention.

high-vibe Gains

The beauty of being intentional with our actions and thoughts is that doing so increases our vibration over time. Our energetic frequency elevates in response and makes way for our higher self to emerge.

When we routinely make space to just be (even when being feels boring), our intuitive guidance system activates and we find a natural alignment with what supports our well-being over the long-term. 

Those quick hits and stimulating distractions also become far less appealing once we’ve taken a step back and observed them for what they really are. 

INTENTION

Day in and day out, I choose the habits, thoughts, and actions that support my well-being at a foundational level. I lean into what lights me up at my core.

intuitive WRITING PROMPT

Write to your intuition*** (higher self) to answer the following questions:

Where can I be more intentional with my choices? Where do I need to start saying ‘no’ and where do I need to start saying ‘yes’? What are the habits/actions/endeavors/thoughts that bring me the most enduring satisfaction and joy?

***If you’re unsure how to write to your intuition, read this post to learn how to access your intuition in 5 easy steps.

RESOURCEs

Article: Is Boredom All Bad? by Ed Halliwell

Article: The Dopamine Seeking Reward Loop by Susan Weinschenk, PhD

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