Are You a Stuffer, Surrenderer, or Sufferer?
There are three distinct ways that we process emotions and yet only one of these three methods moves us to higher levels of consciousness. Below, we explore the science behind emotions and share which method of emotional processing is energetically and spiritually expansive.
“Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
Here’s what you’ll learn from this article:
Learn why being spiritual isn’t about being perpetually happy.
Learn about the science behind emotions and what happens physically when we repress emotions.
Learn which of three types of emotional processing leads to elevated states of consciousness.
Let’s get to it!
PERPETUALLY HAPPY?
We’ve explored emotions from a mental health perspective and an egoic perspective in the past—exhibit A, exhibit B, exhibit C.
In this article, we’ll explore emotions from a scientific + spiritual perspective. Specifically, we’ll be uncovering the spiritual and soul-evolving value of our emotions as well as the science behind them.
It’s a common misperception that being deeply spiritual is synonymous with being happy all the time.
That to be spiritual means we must be light, love, and rainbows 24/7.
This couldn’t be further from the truth, and we want to bust down the doors on this unhelpful misperception.
Why?
Because to believe that “spiritual people” are always happy leads many of us to feel as if we’re getting it wrong when we have an off day (or week or month or year).
These feelings of “wrongness” can then lead us to maladaptive methods of emotional processing—either repressing our emotions to put on a happy face or overindulging our emotions to the point of complete identification with them.
But as the brilliant work of Dr. Candace Pert has proven, both of these extremes keep us energetically and physically tethered to lower levels of consciousness.
THE BRAIN-BODY SCIENCE OF EMOTIONS
Do you know that repressed emotions, especially traumatic or difficult ones, become trapped within cells throughout the entire body?
As the work of Dr. Pert so clearly demonstrates, emotions are much more than just a collection of mysterious chemicals in the brain.
Emotions are electrochemical signals that form neuropeptides. Neuropeptides carry emotional messages that change the chemistry and electricity of cells they interact with in the body.
This is because every cell—whether it’s in your brain or your body—has a receptor, and when a cell’s receptor (keyhole) is activated by an emotional neuropeptide (key), it passes a charge into the cell that changes the cell’s electrical frequency as well as its chemical makeup.
You still with us?
These emotional neuropeptides interact with cells throughout the entire body (especially those where information from the five senses enters the nervous system—e.g., the skin), storing little pockets of information about our emotional state.
“As our feelings change, the mixture of peptides travels throughout your body and your brain. And they’re literally changing the chemistry of every cell in your body—and sending out vibrations to other people.” — Dr. Candace Pert
Through her research, Dr. Pert came to believe that there is one type of neuropeptide for each emotion and that we can leverage this idea to consciously influence what goes on in the body.
This discovery has many applications (including those within the realm of physical health and vitality), most of which we won’t get into here, but we encourage you to read Dr. Pert’s book Molecules of Emotion* if you’re interested in learning more.
STUFFED EMOTIONS
“When emotions are expressed all systems are united and made whole. When emotions are repressed, denied, not allowed to be whatever they may be, our network pathways get blocked, stopping the flow of the vital feel-good, unifying chemicals that run both our biology and our behavior.” — Dr. Candace Pert
Furthermore, Dr. Pert’s research suggests that “repressed emotions are stored in the body—the unconscious mind—via the release of neuropeptide ligands, and that memories are held in their receptors.”
Thus, what gets shoved down gets stored.
From there, it will either repeatedly bubble back up to the surface until it’s consciously processed or it will remain buried within the cells, yet still affecting every aspect of a person’s life from a subconscious level.
And so if you find yourself ignoring or dodging “bad” feelings, know that they aren’t truly going away but rather being momentarily dismissed as they get stored in less consciously accessible areas within the body.
The goal then is to fully process emotions as they’re experienced so that they can be released.
Having said this, we want to be careful here because there’s a fine line between honoring the full breadth of your emotional experience and allowing the ego to form an identity around your suffering.
Let’s take a closer look at this idea…
STUFFERS. SURRENDERERS. SUFFERERS.
There is a broad spectrum of methods for emotional processing, but for our intents and purposes here, we’re going to grossly simplify the three most common ways most of us approach undesirable or difficult emotions.
We’ve got the…
Stuffers.
Surrenderers.
Sufferers.
Stuffers
The Stuffer treats difficult emotions as threats.
Because of this, she’ll do whatever she can to shut down challenging emotions and push them away.
Stuffers sometimes succumb to addictions and other maladaptive coping methods to numb-out their pain.
Having said this, Stuffers come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and flavors.
In fact, those who buy into the misperception that spiritual people are perpetually happy can fall into all sorts of covert stuffing behaviors in an effort to evade cognitive dissonance.
Consider, for example, the person who avoids any thing/person/conversation that triggers an undesirable feeling within her. This person might categorize these avoidance behaviors as being part of an effort to protect her energy.
While we agree with the importance of protecting energy, this isn’t to say that we should lock ourselves away in solitude to preserve our vibe or run around with our eyes closed, fingers in our ears, and screaming, “La la la la la! I can’t hear you!” whenever we venture out into the world.
Reality has a way of mirroring our subconscious perceptions back to us so that we can heal our shadows and expand into higher levels of consciousness.
With this in mind, is strict avoidance of situations/people that we perceive to be “lower energy” truly spiritual or is it another way to stuff difficult feelings away?
Stuffer example statement: I’m not sad. I’m fine. It’s all good.
Surrenderers
The Surrenderer has discovered the empowered sweet spot in emotional processing.
When difficult emotions float into her realm, she processes them as they emerge without allowing the ego to form stories or build identities around them.
In this way, the Surrenderer is simultaneously fully present and totally unattached, consciously experiencing her emotions and holding adequate space for the experience without allowing the ego to cling.
The Surrenderer is able to see the opportunity for growth in difficult moments, and this empowers her to stay present and nimble with her emotions.
The Surrenderer also recognizes that her emotions are not her nor are they permanent.
Surrenderer example statement: There is sadness within me at this moment.
Sufferers
To put it bluntly: Sufferers sit in their sh*t.
The Sufferer tends to launch into victim mode when difficult things come her way.
She wallows and sometimes even publicly boasts about the difficulty of whatever it is she’s experiencing or has experienced. (Many a sufferer has made her sufferings publicly known on Facebook.)
As the Sufferer does this, her ego builds an identity around her suffering, which causes her to become stuck. The longer she’s stalled out in suffering, the more her ego latches on to a victim identity.
And we know there’s nothing the ego fears more than losing its identities.
Sufferer example statement: I am sad. I will always be sad. I’m a sad person. I am sadness.
Which approach to emotional processing do you tend to default to?
Important Notes:
It’s possible to swing through all three of the above approaches or to toggle back-and-forth between them.
Certain approaches tend to be more “popular” at different times in life. For instance, the hormone-fueled teenage years are breeding grounds for Sufferer moments.
The environment we grow up in affects which approach we tend to favor. For instance, if we’re surrounded by Stuffers growing up, we’re likely to adopt that approach ourselves.
There’s no shame in your emotional processing game, no matter what it is or has been. Don’t allow the ego to judge where you’re at. All is well and awareness is power. Simply consider which mode you default to most of the time, accept it, and use it to inform rather than deter or defeat. There is no right way to process emotions, only a more effective one when it comes to elevating our consciousness.
THE SWEET SPOT SURRENDERER
Both stuffing difficult emotions and overindulging them leads to energetically disharmonious states of being.
Thus, using either approach to process emotions causes us to become stuck at lower levels of consciousness.
Our ability to move up the rungs to higher states of consciousness is dependent upon our willingness to make space for (and peace with) all emotional experiences—the good, the bad, and the ugly—and to practice nonattachment.
When we surrender to difficult emotions, we incorporate them—without judgment or attachment—into our current reality.
Through incorporation and acknowledgement, the emotions are experienced and then released, allowing us to both expand our consciousness and move forward.
A WORD ABOUT EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
If you’re like 99.9% of humans, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Well shoot. I guarantee I’ve got some stored emotional baggage.”
First of all, we feel you. We’re with you. And we understand. 🙏🏻
Second of all, next week we’ll be bringing you a whole bag of spiritual tricks that will help you process and release both repressed and/or overindulged emotions.
These are simple but powerful practices designed to help you process, integrate, and release challenging emotions in a way that is energetically expansive.
Stay tuned!
INTENTION
I am present for all that comes my way. I make room for and surrender to the breadth of emotions that exists within me.
2 RESOURCES
Article: The Physics of Emotion: Dr. Candace Pert on the Mind-Body Connection and Feel Go(o)d
Book: Molecules of Emotion* by Candace Pert, PhD
*This is an affiliate link. Purchasing through affiliate links helps fund us at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!
