How to Stay Present in the Face of Discomfort
It’s easy to be present for the sparkly, wonderful stuff in life, but what about being present for the tough stuff and the mundane? Keep reading to find out how to stay present in the face of discomfort.
“Most egos have conflicting wants. They want different things at different times or may not even know what they want except that they don’t want what is: the present moment. Unease, restlessness, boredom, anxiety, dissatisfaction, are the result of unfulfilled wanting. Wanting is structural, so no amount of content can provide lasting fulfillment as long as that mental structure remains in place.”
Here’s what you’ll learn from this article:
How wanting disconnects us from the present moment.
Why the ego acts out when we’re present.
3 resources.
Let’s get to it!
THE ‘WANTING’ DISCONNECT
As Eckhart Tolle outlines in the above quote, the ego wants anything but what is.
To recap: The ego is a construct each of us has which fights against our higher self in favor of survival and protection. It can feel threatened in almost situation. Anytime you feel fearful, separate, or a contracted feeling, the ego is at work.
Now, let’s continue...
We find ourselves in a persistent game of tug-o-war between our higher self’s desire for presence and the egoic mind’s complaint of discontentment with everything that already is.
As Tolle suggests, there’s no amount of ‘content’ that can provide lasting fulfillment when we’re stuck in a wanting state of mind.
In other words, nothing is great enough, exciting enough, big enough, etc. to fill the void the ego perceives of.
And so if it’s lasting fulfillment we desire, we’re charged with the task of fully embracing the present moment whether it satisfies the ego’s wants or not.
Despite the ego’s illusions, it’s not a change in x, y, or z that we need in order to be fulfilled. It’s accepting everything that’s already here.
SITTING WITH DISCOMFORT
In behavioral psychology, we know that whenever we try to modify another person’s behavior, the target behavior (i.e., the undesired behavior) increases in frequency and intensity before eventually being extinguished.
Much the same, when we first begin to challenge the ego’s wanting ways, it’ll act out by wanting more.
It’ll complain.
I’m bored. I’m hungry. I’m unfulfilled. I’m lonely. I’m never going to be good at being present. I need new clothes. I need to move. This is stupid. Did I mention I’m bored?
What the ego is saying in these moments is, “Do something or give me something to make this emptiness go away.”
It’s far too unconscious to experience the fullness of the present moment—only your higher self (i.e., fully conscious self) can do that.
The ego’s identity is so wrapped up in wanting that its very existence is threatened by your presence.
Nothing scares the ego more than the idea that you might no longer need it.
And so it acts out in an unconscious attempt to protect itself.
We find it can be helpful to humor the ego in these moments…
Sheesh, you have a lot to say right now. And yes, you did mention you were bored. Twice. We’re just going to sit with that feeling, ok? It’s here for a reason.
In essence, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
What you don’t want to do is attempt to fill the ego’s perceived “voids” or make them go away.
Simply work to recognize them as they crop up.
The act of recognizing when the ego is at play, without fighting it, disempowers it and awakens you.
“All that is required to become free of the ego is to be aware of it, since awareness and ego are incompatible. Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment. This is why we may also call it Presence. The ultimate purpose of human existence, which is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into this world. And this is also why becoming free of the ego cannot be made into a goal to be attained at some point in the future. Only Presence can free you of the ego, and you can only be present Now, not yesterday or tomorrow. Only Presence can undo the past in you and thus transform your state of consciousness.” — Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth p. 78
A LOVING REMINDER
Sitting with discomfort is a courageous act. It takes practice, patience, humility, and self-love.
As we’ve mentioned before, learning to exist in the present moment is a skill that’s crafted and fine-tuned over the course of a lifetime. The real you, the awakened you, is infinitely patient.
Be gentle with yourself.
INTENTION
I make peace with discomfort and move into conscious alignment with the present moment.
DO THIS TODAY
Notice what the present moment stirs up in the ego. Recognize the ego’s complaints without indulging them.
THIS WEEK’S WRITING PROMPT
What reactions is presence stirring up in the ego? What does the ego want in an attempt to fill its perceived void?
3 RESOURCES
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